And the horrible thing about all this is that we marginalize so many within our churches and force many abused people to stay within horrible, Godless relationships that are completely dishonoring to God. And we tell these people that it's God's desire for them to remain abused and completely neglected (not in the slight, "Aw, shucks, I'm neglected" sense but in the intense truth that many people, specifically women, are utterly neglected in marriages and are told it's God's desire for them to be so!!). It's awful!
I love what Presidents Nelson Mandela and Jimmy Carter are promoting today in their new organization, The Elders: That religious leaders stop promoting that women be abused and discriminated against in the name of "God"!!(Read Jimmy Carter's article) I completely agree!!
I've re-looked at all the Scripture dealing with divorce and have found that what we teach in church isn't quite accurate. We're leading people away from God in the name of God.
I completely believe the truth that Malachi 2:16 states, "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce." It's true. This is by no means in question.
But please look a little deeper. Malachi 2:15-16,
Twice, in the verse right before and in the sentences following, it says, "Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth." The "for" beginning the statement about how God hates divorce and the "therefore" after the statement link a cause and an effect.Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
"For the Lord God of Israel says, That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts, "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."
These verses are not just about the divorce act but about the state of the marriage! It's saying take care of your marriage because God hates divorce. The point is to "take heed" and protect the marriage in these verses and yet all we get out of it is "God hates divorce." It's not the isolated act of asking for a divorce and signing a divorce that God hates. It's the state of the marriage that separates people that God hates!! Divorce isn't the ultimate sin in a relationship, it's the broken covenant that God hates...which begins long before a divorce is signed. The divorce isn't the ultimate problem, not living up to God's covenant standards in marriage is the real problem. The divorce is just the ultimate sign of these broken covenants.
It's the abuse, the horrible neglect, the callousness toward each other instead of fighting to keep God's covenant pure that God hates!! This is what breaks God's covenant between to people, not just the divorce papers. These verses aren't about rules and laws, they're about God's desire to fight for and protect our marriages, to uphold our covenants.
But instead all we do as a Christian society is focus on the sign. The divorce. And we hate and marginalize those who went there. We give no heed to the fact that there are thousands of horrible marriages out there that are completely and utterly dishonoring to God. We're OK with those because "at least they didn't sign the papers!"
This is so backwards!
"Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matthew 19:6) It's about the marriage here!! It's about promoting healthy marriages in which God's covenant is displayed, not about doing just about anything...living in an abusive relationship, sleeping for the past 7 years in separate rooms, etc....just to not have to sign those papers. No! God is more concerned about the marriage than anything else. The point here isn't to just live horrible lives so long as divorce is never mentioned! Do we truly know God if this is what we assume about Him?
This isn't to say that we can just give up on a marriage because after 2 years of fighting, it's not working out. We need to fight for our marriages more than what our general society would promote. Divorce, however, IS acceptable when the covenant has been utterly broken and the marriage relationship is in ruins...I'm addressing abuse, neglect, adultery, etc. This are not God's will for a marriage covenant! And I believe God HATES this...THIS is what He's addressing when He says He hates divorce...complete disregard for His sacred covenant between two people.
Let's go back to where Moses allowed divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1,
"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the later husband dies who took her as his wife, then the former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving as an inheritance."
Please immediately note here that these are not the same times that we live in today! Notice how the man dominates. It's not about an
We cannot simply apply these verses to today without some cultural filter! And please do note the cultural differences! Divorce wasn't put in place here because two people simply couldn't get along, they fought and fought, and decided it was better for the children to separate. No. That's modern day, while this Scripture context is no where close. The context here, instead, is that a man had many wives, used wives for his comfort, and to give him sons, to raise these children, to keep a household, and to help maintain a business (livestock, farming, textiles, etc).
And the reason why divorce was allowed, was because of God's compassion and love for the woman. Men would take wives, then just send them off when they no longer were "pleasing." The woman would leave the man as was commanded her, and would try start a new life somewhere else. There was no government or regulation set in place that gave them marriage certificates and divorce papers. So when the wife was told to leave, and she found a new life...that old husband could at any point just pretend he never meant to end their relationship and force her back to himself. If another man took her in, the old husband could just randomly get jealous and demand that he still had possession of the woman.
So what Moses was doing was put in place a system that cared for the oppressed party. He made it a law that when men randomly decide to send their wives away, they had to make it official, write it down on paper. Set her truly free. So she could prove that he let her go and she was a free woman. So he could no longer dominate her and ruin her future every time she tried to make something new of herself. Divorce was a compassionate precept put in place to protect the woman from the man that didn't honor God's covenant with her. And God hated the divorce because he hated the way that men would just send women away: with no regard, with such dishonor to the woman, with no accountability to the other party, and with no respect for the covenant that they agreed to under God.
Then let's look at Jesus' words in Matthew 19:7-9:
They said to Him [Jesus], "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Again, remove yourself from the modern day world and put yourself in their context. Jesus is confirming and explaining here that divorce was not allowed by God because God was somehow OK with their actions of 1) abusing/neglecting women and of 2) just giving up on the covenant they had made to their wives whenever they so pleased. And He is showing God's true intention for marriage instead: Healthy. Protected. Fought for.
And then Jesus added in a twist that they had not heard before (being in a society where it was still very common for men to just do whatever they wanted to their wives and send them off whenever they pleased). He added a level of respect to the marriage covenant that they did not commonly have. "Except for sexual immortality." And "commits adultery" in reference to marrying a women who was freed. These are not exclusive conditions. They were new ideas being presented showing the severity that it should come to before a man can just decide to give his wife up, and the serious consideration a man should make when accepting a wife.
These aren't intended to be exclusive rules and laws, but general moral guidelines. It goes in line with everything else Jesus talks about and promotes in His "new" and "revolutionary" teachings...such as how He says it's blessed to mourn; how He encourages the oppressed to walk with their oppressor extra miles instead of just the required; how He promotes that we love our enemies, and that the least is the greatest. Jesus isn't creating a rigid law system with all His teachings, but rather: He's raising the bar on how to perceive the world and how to apply morality. He is not instilling strict regulation but promoting a new understanding; He's teaching what it means to love God and how that looks when relating to others.
Finally, lets go to Mark 10:4-12. This is the same incident as Matthew 19 but just told from Mark's perspective. Here it's even more obvious that the point Jesus is trying to bring across is not divorce, but marriage! The state of the marriage. Jesus is trying to promote a new perspective to marriage that it be revered and held sacredly. Jesus is promoting that marriage is holy. His focus isn't on divorce and its regulations, but on teaching a new idea about marriage. (The perspective on marriage that we generally hold today, which this generation did not have).
They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her." And Jesus answered and said to them, "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of creation, God 'made man and female.' 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,' so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." In the house His disciples also asked Him again about this matter. So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."
By this point in history women had gained a little more respect in society but still not what we see today. Marriage was still not as we understand it is today, which is - today - more in line with Jesus' teachings. But the focus of this chapter is not divorce, it's about the state of the marriage. Jesus is promoting the original idea God intended where marriage was a serious and sacred endeavour between two parties, and was honored before God and protected. The protection isn't merely just "avoiding divorce papers," but the mindset of loving and protecting the marriage so it will not get to the point of needing divorce.
The point isn't just to keep two people together under any circumstances no matter how horrible. That is not God's will for marriage...to be abusive and horrid but so long as they remain "together." Gosh! No!! God's will for marriage is that it is protected and honored, and that the covenant is pure between the two people in a strong, secure marriage.
Where both parties fight for its purity. Not where one party is dominating and abusive and neglectful, and the other party is just keeping it together just so that they don't "sin" through "divorce." No, sin is the abuse. Sin is the neglect. Sin is the adultery. Sin is the disrespect for the other. Sin is the callous way one just gives up on the other without fighting to build the strong marriage that God intended. Divorce is merely the ultimate sign of the inner brokenness. Divorce is merely the sign of what God so passionately hates!
We need to change our view on divorce as a Christian society. We need to stop marginalizing people when they find that they have gone through a divorce. And stop hating people if they believe that God promoted their divorce from their truly abusive relationship. God does not want abusive marriages to never end, and neglected people to remain neglected under ungodly, evil and dominating personalities! God hates divorce but it's because He hates the betrayal that it points to within the marriage. I believe divorce is acceptable when God is completely dishonored through abuse, adultery, neglect, disregard for His Covenant, etc. and God promotes the end to that dishonor and abuse.
The thing is this looks different in every different circumstance so we can't put a law to it. We can't truly regulate it. It's something we have to leave in the Hands of God and those in the marriages, and take each situation for what it presents.
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